As a personal lesson: Avoid going barefoot in the snow.

The cat (Jim) now looks both ways before crossing the street. I think if a cat's worked out bits of common sense from first principles, it's a good idea to follow said concepts. Next up, sniffing everything before eating it -milk in particular- and cuddling in the winter.

Burn, Bridges, Burn!

... Every time I move away from a city, I get a "salt the earth and sow thistles" kinda feeling. I think this may be bad.

So I went back to Christmas Island for a couple of days, for to discover how woefully inadequate I am about self promotion and data entry. Also, I got to spend time with a coworker who I've always felt moderate dislike for. It's strange- I'm accustomed to my disfavor turning to grudging respect or virulent hatred- but I feel the same unpleasant grinding irritation instead.

Also, BJ lives five miles from campus. He eats a dinner plate completely covered with hash browns and hamsteak every morning. Also, a soup bowl full of yogurt and berries. I always wondered how he kept that frame going while eating roughly the same amount of dinner as me. He, on the other hand, assumed that I ate as much breakfast as he did- something I tried valiantly to do. Then, a brisk five mile bike ride, then eight hours of data entry.

I got a ride back to my car- and BJ's house- from a co-worker; I am a baby and also I had a file box full of papers which I did not want to balance on a bike. When we drove up to the house- which has a few cars being repaired in the driveway, a dead lawn, and a couple of gentlemen in grimy tanks smoking in the garage- he gave me a look.

"You parked HERE?" he asked? One of the gentlemen started to saunter towards us. "How about I drive down the block?"

The suggested spelling for "hamsteak" is "hamster".

The lady Conquistador- C's mother- is something of a determinator. She was born in rural Chile during the 40's- the eldest daughter of 6 children- and managed to go to college, get an engineering degree, get an advanced engineering degree, move to the US, and find a job that took thirty minutes of explanation before I understood the cocktail party gist. At the same time, she kept herself fit, perfectly groomed, and very well dressed; mastered every domestic art; sustained a marriage to a schockingly difficult man; maintained a mild and friendly mein; and raised my favorite person in the entire universe. She did all this in a new country, using a langauge she didn't start learning until she was in her mid 20s. I am extremely intimidated by her.

However, I'm begining to realize that the drive to do such things might make you a wee bit insensitive. The day before we moved, she drove up and took us out for lunch. (FOR THREE HOURS.) There was a twenty minute enthusiastic screed on the son of one of her friends- he'd found his path in life, and it was installing solar panels in Gautemalan villiages. She leaned forward, and pointed out that we should not be so selfish in our chosen life paths- that we should try to find careers that would help the environment.

Also, she'll drive to the gym- which is six blocks away- in fine weather.

I wonder what she thinks I do for a living?

Ah, Home

So I've recently moved back to my hometown- back in with my parents, actually. I'm trying to figure out how to say that without sounding either bitter or ashamed- specifically to the people I went to high school with, and so now we're friends. I am, of course, bitter and ashamed- but there's no reason to spread that around.

Anyway, there have been a couple of pleasant surprises- apparently, eight years of C and family have made me positively blithe in the face of parental hurt silences, and other social skills learned elsewhere are transferable to home. However, it seems that my sense of humor is getting stranger and drier and more circular by the year- so even fewer people understand my jokes than they did in the past. I've gained a quiet instinct to egg people on when they're saying silly things- I think that might be another C's family skill...

I'm dancing around saying something- since some of these people might someday read this- that goes pretty much like this. A lot of people here are stupid. Not dull stupid, which is healthy- crazy stupid.

Green glass is infinitely superior to brown glass.

Naso-labial wrinkles make people look like monkeys.

No one should have to pay for yoga lessons.

Every bite of pig should receive its own special grace. (Presumably "I hate North Carolina. nom.")

Islam was created by the Catholic church so that it would always have an enemy.

If you don't speak for nine days, the energy from your throat chakra will give you incredible focus.

A solid Eskimo roll is a sign of a healthy psyche.

There was a guy whose boners could predict bombing raids.

It's all right to hate your parents for giving you a Social Security Number.

No one should mock the cat that's been stuck up a tree for SEVEN DAYS. Also, Plan Hose, Plan Rock, and Plan Dart Gun are cruel.

Einstein was a Buddhist. (Oh, so that's why he left Nazi Germany.)

Brushing your teeth with your left hand will bring you closer to enlightenment.

It's good to be home.

Facebook isn't so good about maintaining social boundaries. For instance, that guy- I used to work with his girlfriend, and his two best friends worked with my boyfriend, we ate lunch at the same place a couple of times, and I know many details of his medical and familial problems- apparently has boundaries. When he says something really stunningly stupid, I shouldn't appear out of left field and tell him so.

He said that he'd heard American cheese was three molecules away from plastic from a reputable source. Three commenters agreed. I scrolled past, told him 850 characters was not enough space to say how wrong he was, and then moved on to commenting about my cousin's spirit Pokemon. I've been chastised- some of the aforementioned people have pointed out that I should have a conversation with someone before dropping my acerbic internet self into their internets.

As I see it, there are three options.

1.) Polite apology. Avoid this man in the future.

2.) "Dude. Dude. Plastic is a polymer of high molecular weight lipids. A plastic will typically consist of a single monomer connected and repeated thousands of times. While both cheese and plastic are amorphous, the bulk of cheese is milk proteins- which make up thousands of different molecules. In addition, this amalgamation holds milkfat globules, water, and salt in net like matrix. Plastic is pretty pure by comparison. Here's the ingredients in Kraft singles- http://www.kraftfoods.com/kf/Products/ProductInfoDisplay.aspx?SiteId=1&Product=2100061526&: note the distinct lack of huge hydrocarbons. Since plastics have less than three molecules while American cheese has thousands of molecules, you are wrong. Doodoohead.

3.) Figure out some kind of cheese where this man is right. Could we make a polymer out of milkfat? Could we digest a milkfat polymer? What about the amino acid polymer thing? Plastic means bendy, right? Is it enough that the cheese bends?