Facebook isn't so good about maintaining social boundaries. For instance, that guy- I used to work with his girlfriend, and his two best friends worked with my boyfriend, we ate lunch at the same place a couple of times, and I know many details of his medical and familial problems- apparently has boundaries. When he says something really stunningly stupid, I shouldn't appear out of left field and tell him so.

He said that he'd heard American cheese was three molecules away from plastic from a reputable source. Three commenters agreed. I scrolled past, told him 850 characters was not enough space to say how wrong he was, and then moved on to commenting about my cousin's spirit Pokemon. I've been chastised- some of the aforementioned people have pointed out that I should have a conversation with someone before dropping my acerbic internet self into their internets.

As I see it, there are three options.

1.) Polite apology. Avoid this man in the future.

2.) "Dude. Dude. Plastic is a polymer of high molecular weight lipids. A plastic will typically consist of a single monomer connected and repeated thousands of times. While both cheese and plastic are amorphous, the bulk of cheese is milk proteins- which make up thousands of different molecules. In addition, this amalgamation holds milkfat globules, water, and salt in net like matrix. Plastic is pretty pure by comparison. Here's the ingredients in Kraft singles- http://www.kraftfoods.com/kf/Products/ProductInfoDisplay.aspx?SiteId=1&Product=2100061526&: note the distinct lack of huge hydrocarbons. Since plastics have less than three molecules while American cheese has thousands of molecules, you are wrong. Doodoohead.

3.) Figure out some kind of cheese where this man is right. Could we make a polymer out of milkfat? Could we digest a milkfat polymer? What about the amino acid polymer thing? Plastic means bendy, right? Is it enough that the cheese bends?