Friday, May 15, 2009

In keeping with the theme of the last post, I thought I'd share a couple of my car games.  Please continue to treat me like a functioning adult after reading this- I do spend way too much time alone in the crummy.  

1.) Yelling "Yelling in the car!" over and over again.  Not used when there are passengers.
2.) Playing "Does someone live in that shack?".  Extraordinarily depressing.  The answer is yes.
3.) Thinking of dishes that involve plant products from a single botanical family.
4.) Brainstorming longterm post zombie apocalypse plans.
5.) Gender swapping all the songs on country stations.  

The last one is confusing.  I started because many of the songs are basically "Ho, I reinforce stereotypes about my gender!  Ho ho, ladies like shoes and worry about gaining weight!  Guys like cold beers and trucks and do not groom too much!  Oh ho, I contain so many gender typical traits that I am very lucky to have found a person of the opposite gender who will tolerate said traits.  God must have brought us together.  Yes, we will have childrens now."  I figured that changing "guy" to "girl" and "mama" to "daddy" might be entertaining, but the typecasting is so strong that it's hard to think of your singer as anything other than a horrific parody of a homosexual.  I guess that reveals something anyways.  

However, a significant portion of the songs are either sad or disturbing.  Disturbing songs are cute little turns of phrase in the original, but post swap several centuries of gender politics rear their misshapen heads.  (All songs are swapped)
"All the boys say 'Save a horse, ride a cowgirl'"- disturbing.  
"Dug my key into the side of her pretty little souped up four wheel drive... took a Louisville slugger to both headlights... Maybe next time she'll think before she cheats"- creepy.  
"She slapped my face and shook me like a rag doll- don't that sound like a real woman?  I'm gonna show her what little boys are made of; gunpowder and lead."- Oh dear God, call the police.  
But the sad ones prove that feminism is for everyone.  
"Phone rang early one morning
Her daddy's voice, he'd been crying.
said "It's your momma, you need to come home,
this is it, I think she's dying."
He laid the phone down by her head
The last words that she said 
"Cowboy don't cry.
Ride baby ride.
Lessons in life show us all in time
too soon God will let you know why
It's going to hurt every now and then
if you fall get right back on up again
but cowboy don't cry.  

Ahahahaa...  we totally do that to all boys, don't we?  And it's only sad when it's done to a girl.  Then there are the ones about dying in a war, worrying about providing for your family, watching your hometown die...  Really shows a maturity and depth of emotion lacking in the "Must be more to life than this job/ waiting for Prince Charming" songs women sing.  And what's this about no record company wanting to release Dolly Parton's latest album?

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