Saturday, July 31, 2010

Sustainable long term weight loss.

I promised I'd figure out all the addresses for invitations today. This is why I'm reading Health At Every Size and writing a blog post.

I love that the author is a little on the cold and clinical side. While she's explaining the "weight thermostat" concept, she cheerily covers the horrific tests run on obese mice. Ways that mice can permanently lose weight follow.

Connecting the veins of an obese mouse to the veins of a thin mouse results in the obese mouse becoming thin.

Traumatic brain injury to the hypothalamus often results in complete loss of appetite. (Or occasionally dramatically increased appetite)

When all food tastes bitter, the mice maintain a lower weight as long as the food is bitter.

Monday, July 26, 2010

And there were cupcakes.

So I was at a wedding this weekend! It was charming.

The groom's extended family is taken with the bride- so much so that they have "hard black shoes" if he manages to screw things up. Adorable welcome to the family! So sweet! I suspect alcohol was involved.

Also, you know the "omygoditsoursong!" squeal, followed by like six ladies dancing like frikkin' synchronized background dancers? Time Warp, people. Entire Band-uh clarinetist section. So much more awesome than standard.

An old dormmate expressed her opinion that wedding planning was not, in fact, difficult. She laid out a basic plan, (invite some people,find a place to have the ceremony...) noted that there were probably lists online that would be helpful, and said that everyone loves shopping for pretty dresses. SeƱor C laid a restraining hand on my arm, mindful of the fact that we've been discussing (loudly, with yelling) the guest list for the rehearsal dinner for the last two weeks.

"It's actually really easy." I said, "People overthink it. Everyone wants to be unique and clever- the essentials get lost along the way." She nodded happily. Then we started talking about Brooklyn. Apparently, it is just as good as Manhattan, but cheaper.

There was malice involved, sure, but I'm unlikely to convince her otherwise without getting all twitchy-eyed. Also, while getting families from two different cultures to outline their expectations for a ceremony and then accept compromise is difficult* I'm pretty sure becoming a cyborg or recovering from a broken back is more difficult. Hell, picking up and moving cross country is probably harder, there's just less cultural acceptance of yelling.


and apparently we hired a DJ.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

0 for 3

Crap, I think I just accidentally insulted a bride.

I just sent back another wedding RSVP, explaining that C and I were unable to attend. We were sorry, I said, but we hoped to see them both at our wedding.

After sending it off, I found the invitation. It's sent to me and me alone.

Cats: Pet of choice for the asocial

I'm newly returned from driving over a hundred miles to visit a farmer's market- it's the middle of July, people, and Jane needs her produce. Also, half you bastards have decided to get married in places with farmer's markets DURING THE FARMER'S MARKET. What on earth is wrong with you? I spend a weekend not going swimming and chitchatting with strangers, and you don't have the common decency to schedule the most important day of your lives around my apricot fix? I'm going to find some sort of baseballs thing in October and put my wedding there. (Advantage of a small group of readers: unexpected commonalities.)

Well, I actually did it because my job might be trying to kill me. More on that later.

Since I hate driving now, it no longer counts as introvert time. I came in, evaded my parents, and flopped onto my bed. The cat immediately got out of his basket and laid down next to me. I was irked (irked!) by this display of affection, figuring it was a bid for scratching. However, it appears to be nothing more than a desire to stretch out and place a possessive paw on my ankle. This is why I prefer cats, dog people- because sometimes a pet that sees me as furniture is all the social interaction I can take.

More: normally I don't work Fridays, so driving 150 miles is nothing. However, next Friday I will probably be hyperventilating in a helicopter for twelvish hours and then trying to make it to a wedding Saturday morning. There are two plans: drinking lots of caffeine, de-oaking in a river somewhere, and the bombing down to Christmas island in the dark of night or renting a hotel, taking a shower, and driving down in the small hours of the morning. Neither plan has good odds on my ability to buy produce, shower, and then show up. Someday I will have a job where I can conceivably go out in public after a long day at work.

Speaking of poison oak: another advantage of kitties (and probably doggies too. And other tame mammals, seeing as C is also a fan.) is that you can scratch them instead of your poison oak, and instead of bleeding welts you get a more loving cat.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

I balanced the budget, and all I had to do was destroy the economy.

Seriously though- it was tough. I tried once being fair, rational, and prudent: I exceeded the budget by 20%. The second time I had two goals: prevent as many deaths as possible, and enact legislation that would irritate the Conquistador Lord. Worked pretty well, aside from the worldwide depression.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Plays by sense of smell

I've long had an Abbeyesque aversion to motor boats. Giant noisy things, deeply inferior to canoes, and of course polluting our precious waterways. Yes.

But I work on a giant reservoir now. Engines are so... convenient. ("What do you think this land was like before they put the dam in?" "Remote.") If there were no motorized craft on this lake, surveys would turn into week long canoeing trips. This would be pretty pleasant in June, sure, but in August and February? Hell.

And I would have probably died in that storm. Ahahaha.

Also, in spring all the other people on the lake were retirees on personal houseboats and grandfathers fishing with their adorable grandchildren. Frikkin' adorable. If this is what motorized watercraft means, I'm a fan.

Right. Now it's July, and other people have started using the lake. These people are not old. They own $80,000 dollar watercraft or rent them for $4000 a week. Then they drive erratically and rapidly up and down the various arms of the lake, towing people behind them without flags and blasting terrible music. Lotta Beyonce, because owning a boat is all about the ladies. Lotta Michael, lotta Madonna, because people who spend that much money on boats are a certain age. (old.) I recognized the unmistakable "MIDI Tribute to the Blues" once, meaning that the unseen boat operator and I share a special bond- they are apparently one of the thousand people who heard that terrible terrible arrangement. Sadly, we are separated by a vast gulf- they own a copy of the music, and are willing to play it. In public.

(Yes, the arranger called it an arrangement instead of a song. It was a thing.)

Today there was a boat playing "Pinball Wizard" and driving like me, age seven, truck full of firewood, in a thousand acre vernal pool. That is to say badly, and believing that turning the steering wheel a lot is the point.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

My mother has never gotten out of the habit of making sure her children are still breathing when they sleep.