sigh

You all remember my earlier post about my fake crazy wedding plans. Wanna hear the real crazy wedding plans?

1.) C wants cheesecakes as wedding cakes. I suppose I also want cheesecakes. After considering transport, caterers, making them ourselves, and Costco, one of my friends suggested this guy. I called him. We established that I was a friend of a friend and wanted him to make ten cheesecakes. When we got into specifics, things got a little weird. He asked how big the cheesecakes should be, what flavors I wanted, what price range I was looking at. I said ten inches, lemon or plain, and like $25 each. He said he didn't have ten inch pans, was six OK? And no lemon, but mint, sage, and berry. And he could probably do it for $10. The conversation kept getting stranger until I said "Wait, cheesecakes isn't a euphemism. I want you to make me pastries." There was a pause. "Ten ten inch cheesecakes, plain, for $25 each? That sounds fair. I'll do it. Ignore the other stuff I said."

2.) One of C's great aunts is embroidering us a marriage sheet. I'm no specialist on Chilean culture- all I have to go on here is indelicate speculation, guys.

3.) Things that have happened to my dressmaker since we hired her: husband's heart attack, finish remodeling house, move out of shed into house, party for 200 in her house, daughter gets tonsils out, first grandchild born, roof caves in on shed, secondary infection on tonsil area for daughter, husbands starts suffering from panic attacks which seem a lot like a heart attack every single time, flat tire, and cutting off part of her finger with a circular saw. Option one: dress is cursed. Option two: she hasn't discovered that you can cover up forgetting to do something with unspectacular lies.

4.) C's mother bought a case of wine for us. After we bought more cases (OMG so many monies) she explained that the good wine wasn't for the ordinary guests at the wedding. I, um...

5.) Y'all have probably heard about the napkins, right? My mother and I got into a screaming match because I wanted to use the tablecloths that she collects and she wanted to rent a whole bunch of amber ones that would brush the floor. We got into another because she hates polyester napkins and the only ones you can rent are polyester and paper napkins are just too tacky. Result: we made (she made) 24 tablecloths and 150 cotton napkins. Really.

6.) Every food my mother thinks is fancy is something C hates. Olives, proscuitto, blue cheese, Asiago, cornichons, cheesecakes that are any flavor other than plain... We're two weeks out and still unsure of the shopping list.