I hate your face, ENTP: Wow. Just wow.

I hold that there are three kinds of 'gadget dudes'. There's the type who will spend a long weekend assembling a computer to their exact specifications from parts they obsessively purchased online. They'll also throw out a little bit of code to solve irksome little quirks in their lives. I'm not expected to be impressed, because what do I know about ones and zeros? I think of this as the INTJ version- but sometimes C will channel this, and it is hot.

There's the ISTJ version, which involves welding. Welding and trips to the dump. I'm expecting a laptop stand as a wedding present- one with a distinct steampunk sensibility, the ability to adjust to any height, and a coffee cup holder that keeps my beverage at my preferred temperature. Here, no one can comprehend what's going on, so asking how many office chairs gave their lives is a good conversation starter.

But then there's the ENTP. The Gadget Dude. The first person you know to own an ipad. (Idiosyncratic capitalization conventions can DIAF. Unless it's pH.) The one who has the best car. No, the best car. You couldn't possibly know more about [chosen subject] because ENTP is an expert on [chosen subject]. This implies the ENTP has spent 10,000 hours researching conspicuous consumerism and standing in lines.

C has a cousin- who is largely delightful- who asked us to smuggle an iphone out of the country for him. As I wasn't aware that such things were illegal I told the Apple store guy the truth, and this am no longer allowed in that Apple store. Also, when his sister tried on four days before her wedding and found that it would not fit, he offered to sell her some of the Amway style diet pills he pushes. Unasked. Because everyone should celebrate their love with a belly full of psyllium husks and speed. Why tailor when you can crash diet?