I live with my parents, my constant companions are feline, I'm well on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady. You know all this.

A couple weeks ago I realized I was talking to the cats using baby talk. This could not stand. I slowly weaned myself...

But talking to cats like they are intelligent beings is no better. For one thing, people assume you're talking to them. Please, interact with my family? Hah.

"When you do that, I think he feels threatened. Why are you purposefully messing with his boundaries?"

"I'm tired, I need space. Get out of my face."