It's a wonder they hire me.

Often my job entails walking through a sunny field, staring at the ground. In the summer, the ground in a sunny field is full of grasshoppers. Every time, and I do mean every time, I curl my hands into claws and start stomping theatrically. I yell "TOKYO IN RUINS, FOR GODZILLA LIVES AGAIN! FLEE PEOPLE OF JAPAN, FLEE INTO THE HILLS!"

I do this whether or not other people are around. For those of you wondering if I am capable of shame or theatrics.

My most cogent current wedding plan involves setting the gifts up like a makeshift city, and yelling "BRIDEZILLA APPROACHES! FLEE HER WRATH!"